Hickbonics

[Torch 7.62]

Hickbonics....

Fur yer reedin' plesur... HICKBONICS

The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some
of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollars pipelined through
Washington by designating Southern slang, or Hickbonics," as a
language tobe taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this
language would be a Hickophone. The following are excerpts from
the Hickbonics/English dictionary:

HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage:
Heidi, Hire yew?"

BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage:
"My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - (noun) - The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER - (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is
Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left
$20,000,000 in improvements."

MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from
Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

THANK - (verb) - Ability to cognitively process. Usage: "Ah
thank ah'll have a bare."

BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and
yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage:
"Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I
thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my
brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope
my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from
Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's
gonna catch far."

TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother
of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the
creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in
Paris sometime."

RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at
age 65."

FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle
or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup
y'uh."

RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We
Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand
a wurd he sed...must be from some farn country."

DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR - (noun) - A colourless, odourless gas: Oxygen. Usage: "He
cain't breathe...give 'im some ear!"

BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay
away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage: "Jew here that
my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence
cump'ny?"

HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze
ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n'is laf."

SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see".

VIEW - contraction: (verb) and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never
seed New York City... view?"

GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them
gubmint boys shore is ignert."